His father refuses to arrange his marriage until he has completed his studies
I am a young man aged 20. I work and study and I am very well off, praise be to Allaah. I want to get married but my father does not want me to get married, on the grounds that I should complete my studies. What should I do?.
Praise be to Allaah.
It is mustahabb to hasten to get married for the one who is able for it, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband) and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid‑servants (female slaves)”
Ibn Katheer(may Allaah have mercy on him) said, commenting on this verse: This is a command to marry off those who need to get married. A number of scholars are of the view that it is obligatory for everyone who is able for it, and they quoted as evidence the apparent meaning of the words of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him): “O young men, whoever among you can afford to get married, then let him do so, for it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding chastity. And whoever is not able to do that, then let him fast, for that will be a shield for him.” Narrated in al-Saheehayn from the hadeeth of Ibn Mas’ood.
In is narrated in al-Sunan via more than one isnaad that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Marry and produce offspring for I will be proud of your numbers on the Day of Resurrection.”
Ayyim (translated here as “single”) refers to the woman who has no husband or the man who has no wife, whether they were married then separated or were never married. End quote.
The son should tell his father clearly of his wish to get married, and the father should understand the importance of that, and he should help his son to get married. Many of the fuqaha’ are of the view that that is obligatory if he is able for it.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: Our companions said: The father must keep his son chaste if he is obliged to spend on him and if he needs to be kept chaste. This is the view of some of the companions of al-Shaafa’i. End quote from al-Mughni (8/172).
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: A person’s need to get married is urgent, and in some cases it may be like his need for food and drink. Hence the scholars said: It is obligatory for the one who has to spend on a person to arrange his marriage if he can afford to get married, so it is obligatory for fathers to arrange the marriages of their sons, if the sons needs to get married but cannot afford to do so. But I heard that some fathers who forget how they were when they were young, when the sons ask them to arrange their marriage, they say: Get married at your own expense. This is not permissible and it is haraam if he able to arrange his marriage. His son will dispute with him on the Day of Resurrection if he does not arrange his marriage when he is able to do so. End quote from Majmoo’ Fataawa Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (18/410).
A widespread mistake is when the father refuses to listen to his son concerning this matter, and ignores the son’s need. His need for marriage may be urgent, and as a result of delaying marriage he may fall into some kind of deviation. It is well known that people vary with regard to this need and their level of self-control in this matter. The father may be sinning by preventing his son from getting married if he needs that, as stated above.
Some fathers give precedence to study and work over marriage in all cases, and they never consider arranging their son’s marriage before that. This is also wrong. Rather they should study the matter and weigh up the pros and cons. They should find out how much their son needs to get married, and how able he is to combine marriage and study, and which should be given priority if it is not possible to do both. Protecting one’s religious commitment is important, and takes precedence over protecting one’s physical health and wealth, so naturally it takes precedence over studying.
The father may be excused for refusing to arrange his son’s marriage before he completes his studies, either because he sees that the son is not well-organized in handling his affairs and cannot take responsibility for himself, let alone anyone else, or he thinks that he is neglecting his studies and would neglect them even more after marriage, or he does not think that he really needs to get married, and it is only a passing fancy or he wants to imitate someone else. The son should excuse his father and strive to convince him, and explain to him the extent of his need for marriage and how able he is to take care of his wife after that.
We ask Allaah to guide you.
And Allaah knows best.