He has three wives and his family need him to be present among them, but he is intending to observe i‘tikaaf for the entire month of Ramadan!

He has three wives and his family need him to be present among them, but he is intending to observe i‘tikaaf for the entire month of Ramadan!

My question is about i‘tikaaf. My husband is intending to observe i‘tikaaf for the entire month of Ramadan, but we need him because he has three wives, one of whom is in the ninth month of pregnancy and does not live in the same area as him, and he has a number of children. We do not want him to go from the beginning of the month. Does he have the right to go without our consent when we need him to be with us?

Praise be to Allah.

i‘tikaaf is an important act of worship in which a person cut himself off from worldly distractions in order to check himself and worship his Lord. Whatever he could not do before that, he is freeing up his time to do now, and whatever he was falling short in before that, he will now be able to give it the time it deserves. There is no difference of opinion among the scholars concerning the fact that it is Sunnah. In al-Fath al-Baari (4/272), al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar quoted Imam Ahmad as saying: “I do not know of anyone among the scholars who differed concerning the fact that it is Sunnah.” But this act of worship is not permissible if it will lead to falling short in a shar‘i obligation such as looking after one’s family, taking care of one’s sick wife, and looking after one’s father and mother, if a person is the only one who can take care of that and there is no one else who can take his place. Although it is possible for some of his brothers and sisters to look after his parents, there is no one else who can take care of his children or his wives except him.

Therefore, based on what is mentioned in the question, we do not think that it is permissible for the husband to observe i‘tikaaf for the entire month, or even for less than a month, because as a result of that he will neglect his duties as prescribed in Islam and as enjoined by his Lord, may He be exalted, upon him.

We think that it may be possible to combine the two matters, by taking care of his family and meeting their needs, then going into i‘tikaaf for a few days, then he can go back to his home and do what Allah has enjoined upon him, then go back into i‘tikaaf again. In this manner he will avoid going against Islamic teachings and no one will be able to blame him in any way.

Shaykh ‘Abdullah ibn Jibreen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked:

What is the maximum and minimum length of i‘tikaaf?

He replied:

There is no maximum limit, but it is disliked (makrooh) to make it lengthy if that will lead to the person neglecting his family and being distracted from them. It is narrated in the hadeeth: “It is sufficient sin for a man to neglect those for whom he is responsible.” The one who makes it very lengthy will inevitably be neglecting the pursuit of his livelihood and will be burdening others with the responsibility of spending on him, and will cause them hardship because they will have to bring him his food and drink in the mosque, and so on.

Hiwaar fi al-I‘tikaaf, question no. 2

He (may Allah have mercy on him) was also asked:

If a person wants to do i‘tikaaf but he is in charge of his house and there is no one else, then which is better: to take care of the members of his family or to do i‘tikaaf in the mosque during the last ten days of Ramadan?

He replied:

We prefer that he should undertake his duty towards his family, meet their needs and stay with them as a mahram and companion, and to protect them, take care of their household, and earn a living with which to provide for them. If he goes into i‘tikaaf and leaves them without any guardian, they will be exposed to the dangers of thieves and evildoers, or not having their needs met, or having to go to the trouble of bringing their own goods from the market, or burdening others with having to buy what they need, which may lead to reminders of their favours that cannot be tolerated. Muslim narrated that ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “It is sufficient sin for a man to neglect those for whom he is responsible (for their provision).”

That also includes not spending on them and neglecting them by not earning a livelihood when one is able to do so. If there is someone and his relatives can look after their needs and protect them and bring them what they need, then it is permissible to do i‘tikaaf and in fact it is mustahabb, because there is nothing to distract one from it.

Hiwaar fi al-I‘tikaaf, question no. 11

You can see the entire essay (in Arabic) via the following link:

http://ibn-jebreen.com/book.php?cat=3&book=10&toc=328

We have previously pointed out the error made by some people who are distracted from looking after their families and taking care of their affairs on the grounds of focusing on da‘wah or teaching. That is not a valid excuse for them to neglect that which was made obligatory upon them. For more information, please see the answers to questions no. 3043, 6913, 23481 and 110591.

And Allah knows best.

He took his wife back during her ‘iddah on the basis of a fatwa but she obtained a different fatwa and married someone else

He took his wife back during her ‘iddah on the basis of a fatwa but she obtained a different fatwa and married someone else

I was married to a woman and had a son from her, then there were some differences between me and her and I divorced her. During the ‘iddah, there was an argument between me and her brother, and I swore an oath and said: “If So and so does not come back to my house before Fajr, then she is thrice-divorced.” But her brother did not let her, so she did not come back. At that time I had not taken her back (formally, as a wife). After a short while I sought a fatwa and was told that it was permissible for me to take her back but I did not ask whether the second talaaq had taken place or not. Two years later there were major problems in which her family played a major role, and I divorced her, but during the ‘iddah I met her and there happened between us that which happens between husband and wife. I asked one of the scholars working in the court in my city and he gave me a fatwa in writing stating that the divorce that I did not ask about did not count as such, because a divorce issued to an already-divorced woman does not count, and my taking her back by means of intercourse was valid, and I also asked two friends to testify that I had taken her back and told my wife about that, but I did not tell her family because of the severity of the discord in the family. My family got angry with me when they found out that I had taken her back. But I asked her to bear that with patience and to let the taking back continue in secret until I was able to become independent of my family. After one year, during which I used to meet with her in secret and we would sometimes do what husbands and wives do, Allaah blessed me with the opportunity to travel abroad to complete my studies. I got in touch with her ten days before I was due to travel and told her that Allaah had given us a solution to our problem. I asked her to wait for one or two months, and I would tell her how Allaah had granted me a way out, then I left and did not tell her. One week after I left, my family suddenly told me that my ex-wife (or so they thought) had got married! I became very distressed and I did not know what to do, as I was abroad and I did not believe it. I tried to contact my wife and she told me that she thought that I was deceiving her all that time and that I had betrayed her, because she knew that the period of travel would not be less than five years, and she claimed that she had consulted a scholar on the radio as to whether intercourse with the wife without the intention of taking her back was regarded as taking her back or not, and he told her that the intention was essential. I asked for advice and was told that I had the right to refer the matter to court to seek a separation, or to divorce her, so long as I told her so that she could observe the iddah following divorce. Please note that they married her to someone else without taking the divorce papers from me, and that is what Ii intended to tell them when they asked me about the divorce papers.

Praise be to Allaah.

The most beloved deed of the troops of Iblees to him is causing separation between man and wife. The devils keep competing in that so as to attain the honour of being close to Iblees and gaining high status before him. It was narrated that Jaabir (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Iblees places his throne over the water, then he sends out his troops, and the one who is closest in status to him is the one who causes the greatest amount of fitnah (tribulation or temptation). One of them comes and says, I have done such and such, and he says: You have not done anything. Then one of them comes and says: I did not leave him until I separated him and his wife. Then he draws him close to him and says: How good you are.” Narrated by Muslim (2813). What we see, hear and read of the actions of husbands and wives points to the success of the devils in achieving their aims. The divorce rate in Muslim countries is frightening. And if you look for the reasons you will see that it rarely has to do with religion. Most of it has to do with insignificant worldly matters, so the husband acts in haste, gets angry and divorces his wife, then the family is divided and scattered, and the children are lost. Perhaps the one who reads this will think carefully before divorcing, and he will strive to do that which will make his family happy and avoid divorce, so that he will not bring misery upon himself and his family. Secondly: In general terms, there are differences of opinion among the scholars concerning many cases of divorce. Whatever the husband knows of the rulings before he utters the words of divorce, he should adhere to what he knows, and whatever he does not know about, if he asks someone whose religious commitment and knowledge he trusts, then he has to follow the fatwa he issues, and it is not permissible for him to move from one scholar to another in order to find another fatwa. He should not have any doubts, for he has done that which Allaah has enjoined of asking the people of knowledge, and it is obligatory for him to follow the ruling, especially if there is a ruling issued by an Islamic judge, because the ruling of the judges is decisive in cases of differences of opinion, and the questioner must accept the answer of a trustworthy scholar. Thirdly: What the scholars said about a divorce issued to an already-divorced woman not counting as such is a view that was favoured by a number of scholars, including Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah, and by Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen among contemporary scholars. Fourthly: What the scholars said to you that your having intercourse with your wife is regarded as taking her back is the view of the Hanafis and Hanbalis, and there is nothing wrong with you following this opinion, because you did what you were enjoined to do, namely asking the people of knowledge, and asking about a matter that is subject to ijtihaad in which the scholars have differed. Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The apparent meaning of the words of al-Khuraqi is that taking back is only achieved verbally. This is the view of al-Shaafa’i and is one of the two views narrated from Ahmad. The second view is that taking back is achieved by means of intercourse, whether or not he intended to take her back. This view was favoured by Ibn Haamid and al-Qaadi. This is the view of Sa’eed ibn al-Musayyab, al-Hasan, Ibn Sireen, ‘Ata’, Tawoos, al-Zuhri, al-Thawri, al-Awzaa’i, Ibn Abi Layla and ashaab al-ra’i. End quote. Al-Mughni (8/482). We think that your telling your wife of the fatwa and taking her back, and bringing two witnesses to the taking back, may have been another way to confirm that you were taking her back, in addition to having intercourse. Your telling her and the two witnesses is a clear statement that you took her back. Whatever the case, you asked for advice and were told that she had been taken back, and you told her and bought witnesses to confirm the taking back. Based on this, the fact that your wife says that she consulted one of the scholars who gave her a fatwa saying that your taking her back did not count as such because you had intercourse without the intention of taking her back is of no significance, because you consulted someone and told her of the fatwa and brought witnesses to that, thus the taking back was done in the proper manner, and there is no way for your wife to disagree with that. Fifthly: Telling your family and your wife’s family is not a condition of taking her back, and in fact it is not a condition that the wife tell them herself. A husband may take back his revocably-divorced wife (first or second talaaq) even if she is far away from him, and it is not a condition that she be told or even agree to it. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation” [al-Baqarah 2:228]. Al-Qurtubi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: The scholars are unanimously agreed that if a free man divorces his free wife, and he had consummated the marriage with her, and it is a first or second talaaq, then he has more right to take her back so long as the ‘iddah has not ended, even if the wife disagrees. Tafseer al-Qurtubi (3/120). But it would have been better to tell her family that you had taken back your wife back. The fact that you did not tell her may have caused them to do this terrible evil, which is marrying her to someone else, thinking that your divorce and your absence meant that their daughter was divorced fully and was able to remarry. Allaah has enjoined bringing witnesses to taking back a wife in the verse (interpretation of the meaning): “And take as witness two just persons from among you (Muslims)” [al-Talaaq 65:2], so as to put an end to disputes, inform people and alert the heedless to the number of divorces. The fuqaha’ indicated that if there are no witnesses to the taking-back, that may result in disputes and arguments as to whether the wife has been taken back or not, and the woman may end up marrying another man, thinking that she has not been taken back (by the first husband). In al-Mawsoo’ah al-Fiqhiyyah (22/114) it says: The majority of fuqaha’ are of the view that it is mustahabb to tell the wife that she has been taken back, because that will put an end to the disputes that may arise between man and wife. Al-‘Ayni said:  It is mustahabb to tell her (i.e., to tell the wife that she has been taken back), because otherwise she might get married on the basis of her belief that her husband has not taken her back and her ‘iddah has ended, and she may have intercourse with the new husband, thus she will be sinning for not asking her husband, and he will be sinning for not telling her. But even if he does not tell her, the taking-back is still valid, because it is the continuation of an existing marriage and is not the initiation of a new one and the husband is exercising his rights, and for a man to exercise his right he does not need to inform others. End quote. Now what you must do is refer the matter to the sharee’ah court, and present the written fatwa from this scholar, and bring the two witnesses, to prove that you had in fact taken your wife back. If you can inform everyone of the matter without going to the sharee’ah court, that is fine. We should point out that if you do not want to take her back, it is not permissible for you to keep quiet about the matter. After setting things straight, you can divorce her if you wish, but you should understand that if you keep quiet, her second marriage will remain invalid, and this is a serious evil. We ask Allaah to help you to do that which pleases Him and to make good easy for you. And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

Her husband did not respect her family and divorced her after the nikaah but before the wedding party

Her husband did not respect her family and divorced her after the nikaah but before the wedding party

I have a two part question.
First of all, I recently divorced from my husband. There were many reasons but the main reason was that he disrespected my mother and father by talking to them very harshly not once but several times. I figured if he could not respect my parents how could he possibly respect me? I love my parents very much and I don’t like to see them hurt. My question is what is a husband’s role in Islam in repect to his wife . Isn’t he suppose to respect her family also? Once a woman gets married does it mean that the husband is first priority and that her parents come in second?
Secondly, I only had the Nikkah done, the rukhsati was going to be in April but I still lost my virginity. Now I fear my ex-husband will tell this in court which will be a cause of extreme embarassment for me in front of my parents especially my father. According to Islam, is it wrong to lose one’s virginity before rukhsati?

Praise be to Allaah.

The parents have great rights, but the husband has a greater right. It is not permissible for either party to abuse the rights of the other. If the wife thinks that her husband has wronged her parents, she should advise him and remind him that the aayah (interpretation of the meaning), “… and live with them [wives] honourably…” [al-Nisa’ 4:19] includes treating her family well too, because that makes her happy, and it includes not harming them, because that upsets her. By the same token, if one or both of her parents abuse her husband’s rights, she should advise them and remind them of the seriousness of backbiting, wrongdoing and aggression. If they order her to do something and her husband orders her to do the opposite, then her husband takes precedence, because his rights are greater in sharee’ah. This does not mean that she should forget about their rights; this is the guideline she should follow in cases where there is a conflict.

With regard to your second question, it is not haraam according to sharee’ah for a man to have intercourse with his wife after the nikaah (conclusion of the marriage contract) and before the wedding party. Whatever happened after the nikaah is halaal (permissible), so there is no scandal involved and no need to fear the consequences. If a man divorces his wife after the marriage has been consummated, then she is entitled to keep the entire mahr (dowry)

If it is possible for mediators to try to bring you back together in accordance with sharee’ah and following the proper etiquette, then this is better. And Allaah is the source of strength.

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

He did the marriage contract with her but she does not have any accommodation and he wants to be intimate with her

He did the marriage contract with her but she does not have any accommodation and he wants to be intimate with her

I got engaged to a young man two years ago, and one year after the engagement the marriage contract was done, but we were still waiting until the marital home is ready. My problem with him is that he wants us to have marital relations in full but without consummating the marriage. If I refuse he threatens to cheat on me if I do not respond to him.
He has doubts about me to such an extent that he does not let me go out or speak to my friends, and he made me give up work on the grounds that this will protect me from falling into haraam. Please note that I have never thought of what he is thinking of. Similarly he does not respect my family and he always insults them and slanders them, and he accuses them of not having raised me properly. But at the same time he wants me to go to his mother and make her happy, and if she mistreats me I have to apologize to her until she is pleased.
Please note that until now he has not made any preparations in the house and he always makes excuses based on his not being well off. When I was working, I spent nearly half of my salary on him and he made me buy gifts for his family. Does he have any right to do this? Is there any sin on me if I do not do what he is telling me to do?.

 

Praise be to Allaah.Firstly:

If the marriage contract has been done, then you have become his wife and it is permissible for a husband to be intimate with his wife however he wants. But she can refuse to let him have his way with her until he gives her the mahr and prepares a suitable marital home for her.

Ibn al-Mundhir (may Allaah have mercy on him) narrated that the scholars were unanimously agreed that a woman has the right to refuse to let her husband consummate the marriage with her until he gives her the mahr.

Al-Mughni (7/200).

Al-Kasaani said in Badaa’i’ al-Sanaa’i’ (4/19) that a woman has the right to refuse to let her husband have his way with her until he provides her with a home.

This is the shar’i ruling on this matter.

What we are afraid of is that this man is not serious about providing a home and striving to settle in it and build a family, and that he is content to get his pleasure from meeting you. Hence we advise you not to answer his demand and not to let him be intimate with you, until he provides you with a home. This will encourage him to pay attention and hasten to consummate the marriage, and protect you. For intercourse may take place as the result of pressure on his part and weakness on yours, then pregnancy may occur, and that may lead to bad consequences in the event of divorce or delay of consummation of the marriage and announcement thereof to the people.

Secondly:

If your work is permissible and free of any haraam things, then we do not advise you to give it up, and the husband has no right to prevent you from working so long as he did the marriage contract with you at the time when you were doing this job and he did not stipulate that you should leave it. At the very least you should keep your job even if you take a temporary leave of absence until you find out what your husband is really like.

Thirdly:

Attention must be paid to the religious commitment and character of a husband, and one should find out whether he prays regularly and keeps away from haraam things. From your question it seems to us that this is not a man who is good in these ways, hence it is easy for him to insult your parents and to threaten to cheat on you. We do not know how such things could be said by a wise man who understands how things are. Is this a proper way of putting pressure on his wife – threatening to commit zina as a punishment to her? This is indicative of a severe lack of religious commitment and intelligence. If we had been consulted about the matter before the marriage contract was done, we would have advised you not to marry him. But as the contract has been done, we say: If he is careless about prayer, then you should advise him time after time. If he does not improve, then separate from him, for there is nothing good for you in marriage to a man who is careless about prayer.

Fourthly:

If it becomes clear to you that he is messing about and is not serious about preparing a home etc, and that he may mistreat you and your family – even if he does pray regularly – then we advise you to leave him, even if you free yourself from the marriage by giving up some of your rights (i.e., khula’).

You say that your family and everyone around you thinks that he is not suitable for you. The family’s opinion in such matters is usually closest to the truth, because they look at the matter with a measure of wisdom, far removed from emotion which may sometimes blind one to the truth. They also have knowledge and experience of such matters. Hence we think that you should discuss the matter with your family, and do what they advise you, as well as praying to Allaah for guidance (istikhaarah), for He does not betray the one who seeks guidance and the one who asks for advice will not regret it.

We ask Allaah to make things easy for you and to take away your distress and to guide you to good things.

And Allaah knows best.

Islam Q&A

The Cohesive Nature of the Family

The Cohesive Nature of the Family

Title:The Cohesive Nature of the Family
Language:English
Publisher:www.islamreligion.com – Islam Religion Website
Short Discription:1- An introduction to how Islam ensures the cohesiveness of the institution of the family in Islam, with its first and foremost constituents, the parents
2-The reasons and purpose of marriage, and the emphasis given on treating wives with kindness and ease, and how they help in maintaining harmony in the family.
3- The rights of both the husband and wide, and the complementary roles they play in bringing about a peaceful home.
4-The rights of children upon their parents, and the emphasis Islam gives in maintaining good relations with other
relatives.
1.

The Cohesive Nature of the Family
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The Cohesive Nature of the Family
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